After a busy weekend of Thanksgiving and other family gatherings, I’m excited for the week ahead.
For one thing, today marks seven months until the publication date of GOOD CHINESE WIFE (pre-orders are available here!).
Second, on Wednesday I’ll receive copy edits from my publisher, Sourcebooks. This means that their copy editing department will have gone through each sentence, polishing them as they see fit. I’ll have two weeks to send my editor any changes. After the manuscript is laid out in the final font in early March, I’ll have one more chance to proofread the book. Because by then it will really be a book!
So in preparation for my book launch in seven months, I was wondering what traits you value in a partner. In my memoir, I tried to be a good Chinese wife.
That obviously didn’t work out the way I’d planned. In my second go around, I’ve stopped trying to be something I’m not. I’m just myself.
Do you have any special recipes to a happy marriage or relationship?
I just wanted to add something. First of all, I don’t think there is a universal answer to what makes a marriage successful. And interestingly I have actually never thought about it. Just recently I was confronted with this question.
I got married really early to a Chinese national. And as naive we young people are, I thought (and am still believing) the basis for a happy and fulfilled marriage is love and trust. I have not been disappointed so far. People always ask how we make it work? What are our secrets? There are none. Sometimes some people just fit.
Maybe it’s because we are still young. Maybe the cruel reality of life will shake us away. As my pessimistic mother always preaches “Life will never led you be happy”. Well, I obviously don’t agree with that statement. I am living in my little pink bubble with white unicorns and a charming prince by my side.
Thank you so much for this! I think that the early years of marriage are the most difficult, so if you’ve made it this far, I’d say you’re good to go! I mean, even people who get divorced after 20 years of marriage can look back and see that things weren’t rosy from the beginning. And I do agree that every couple is different! Love and trust are key!
Here’s a thought: A successful marriage is like writing a good book. When things are going well, be grateful and expand on it. When you’re having trouble, sometimes you just have to be patient; sometimes you have to be very smart and think very, very hard to find a way to solve the problem.
That’s great advice, Nicki! Thank you! I always likened writing a book to dating, but it can go the other way, too!
That’s a great analogy, Nicki! I feel so lucky to have found a good book 10 years ago!
Spend time apart. I think it’s important to have a social life and interests that don’t involve your spouse. I travel without my spouse sometimes, too, which may not be for everyone but the time spent away helps us. It helps give us perspective on our relationship and appreciate each other more.
I also think it’s important to share household duties. Many women work these days, yet we often are expected to do most (if not all) of the child-rearing, cleaning, and cooking. My husband and I share in these responsibilities and work together. I think it brings us closer and allows us to avoid resentment and feeling burned out.
That’s excellent advice, Rosalie! I do both–spend time apart from husband and share household duties–and it seems to work out very well. In my first marriage, I didn’t go out much on my own, so after we had a baby and I wanted to go to a work function or a college alumni event, my then-husband had a tough time with that.
Excellent advice! It is important to have friends and outside interests. My problem in my first marriage was that I would not see friends because I didn’t want to offend or exclude my then-husband. We did share in household chores, which was one time when things were pretty calm between us.
Yay that only seven months are left! Looking forward to reviewing and reading your memoir. Happy Chanukkah 🙂 I honestly don’t have any special recipes to a happy marriage or relationship, perhaps don’t try to be too nice is one I’d give. In real life I’m a pretty sweet girl and unfortunately that has allowed men to take advantage of my nature by mostly disappearing and ignoring me. I am sorry, but romance wise this has been a bitter year for me. Very bitter year. I’m okay being without social life and simply staying in the house day in and out, no more anger and bitterness to the situation. I am honestly fed up with having my heart broken all the time thus I do give up on love I suppose. I tend to meet men that want the things I want way later when physically I’ll have to worry about having kids with Down’s syndrome and stuff, and I’m not attracted in shape or form to American/European men be they Jew or non-Jews. Sorry for my words.
Oh, don’t apologize at all. I was just as frustrated as you right before I met my husband. So you never know! Your advice is great. Don’t be too nice. I thought being nice was the key to a good marriage my first time around, but that backfired. With my marriage now, I am nice, but not too nice! A belated Happy Hannukah to you and may 2014 bring much health and happiness!
Oh, don’t apologize at all! I know where you’re coming from and felt very frustrated just before I met my (new) husband 10 years ago. So you never know when it will happen! I hope you had a great Hannukah. Here’s to a fruitful 2014!