One of the themes of my memoir GOOD CHINESE WIFE is culture shock. Before my first marriage, I thought culture shock was a sign of weakness.
So it was quite disconcerting when I found myself in the throes of culture shock in the mid-1990s when I often traveled to mainland China with my then-husband. (We lived in Hong Kong when we weren’t on the mainland.)
Rather than admit I was experiencing culture shock, I tried to hold it in and carry on as if I didn’t mind that the whole family napped for a couple hours each day.
Or that we trekked across town in 100 degree heat and high humidity, only to find that their friends weren’t home. Those types of things normally wouldn’t bother me, so I didn’t understand why I felt so isolated and lonely in China.
Interestingly enough, I never felt homesick in Hong Kong, even though I moved there not knowing a soul. On the other hand, I never once traveled alone in China.
For a couple of weeks one summer, my parents, uncle and brother visited us in China. My days brightened up then, although I didn’t long to return to the US. I just wanted to get back to my life–and marriage–in Hong Kong.
Have you ever experienced culture shock? How did you deal with it?
I’ve always thought culture shock is a part of growing up and it’s a sign of becoming more mature. Culture shock turns into learning and accepting rather than play pretend, ignore, and never really actually learn to gain face on the surface.
By the way, I am back from Hong Kong and I do like it. I was in Central area. That’s it. A hotel was called Mini Hotel and it wasn’t bad. It was renovated and it looked quite nice. Small, but nice. I didn’t get that much bigger when I lived in Taipei so it wasn’t new to me. 🙂
The examples you gave seemed to have one thing in common: lack of control. You weren’t the one to decide whether to take a nap or not or whether to trek across the city not knowing if the friends would be home or not.
Most of us who choose to live abroad, enjoy learning about another culture. But when our ability to act and to have some input is totally blocked,we may feel frustrated. When we lived in Manila, one thing that bothered me was the general expectation for expat wives–that we would spend our days going to ladies’ teas and throwing dinner parties. That wasn’t me.
Yes, Nicki! You phrased that perfectly! It was a total lack of control. In Hong Kong I felt like I was in control of my day to day activities. But in China that wasn’t the case. When I visited my mother’s dear friends in Japan one winter, I had a great time, but felt like I needed to venture out on my own because the family was so over-protective of me. I was so grateful they cared so much, but needed to have some time on my own once in a while.
I, too, wouldn’t be able to host those expat teas!
Just out of curiosity, did you ever pick up the habit of napping during the day? I’m not sure that it’s a common practice in China, but I know that in Japan it is in fact encouraged. Interestingly, studies have shown that taking a short nap early in the afternoon is good as it goes a long way toward revitalising the person and leads to increased productivity.
Not then! I was 25 and wanted to do things during the day. Now that I have three kids, I’m all for afternoon naps when they’re in school! I also favor an afternoon nap when I travel to a different time zone!
It takes a lot to shock me, but the biggest thing that really riles me here in China is the spitting – followed closely by kids crapping in the street.
I can’t think of any better ways to spread diseases than allowing those things to happen… and yet there’s never any official move to stop it.
Ellen suffers most from Culture Shock, but in reverse. After we came back from Australia, she was incredibly shocked by just how badly people behaved in her own native country.
Like you, I don’t like to travel alone here, but that’s mostly for purely selfish reasons!
I experienced reverse culture shock when I came back to the US from Hong Kong (and from China the first time). For some reason I thought that was totally acceptable, whereas culture shock in another country meant something was wrong with the person. Of course, once I experienced it, I knew that anyone could feel that way. I probably had it worse than most because I wasn’t in a good marriage.
The spitting only bothered me when I was near the person. That said, I see people spit here in the US and am totally grossed out by it! I didn’t see kids pooping in the street. Only peeing.
I surely have! I usually withdraw myself from others (if possible) when I have culture shock. One time I was having culture shock, but I had to fly home for a visa and that kind of put things into perspective again. When I came back to China after that everything seemed fine again. I usually do know if it’s culture shock though now, and can act accordingly (like withdrawing for a while until I feel I can go out there again). I also felt like I had some kind of culture shock when coming back to Shenzhen yesterday after having stayed with friends in Yunnan for the last two weeks. I felt like I just couldn’t stay in this mega city for much longer, all the people, the fast pace, it really got to me. It seems like big-city-culture-shock to me. I’ll see how I cope.
Thanks so much for your comment! That’s so interesting that you withdraw from others when you feel culture shock. When I was at my former in-laws’ in the winter, I would go to sleep very early at night to be by myself and to warm up under the electric blankets. So I did the same thing!