Ruth Silbermayr-Song is the author of the blog China Elevator Stories and mother of two Chinese-Austrian boys. Her blog has been called one of the most unique blogs about China.
In 2020, her life dramatically changed when her Chinese husband cut off all contact between her and their children. She had moved to Germany without her children to prepare her husband’s residence permit in the summer of 2019, thinking she would be reunited with her children later the same year in Austria.
“My ex never planned to come to Austria with our children”, Ruth says. “Only, I did not know it at that time”. On June, 30th, 2020, my ex sent an email, saying if I did not talk to him, I may never see my children again. I believe he sent it to an old email address, because the first time I saw this email was a few weeks ago when he used it as evidence at court. On July 2nd, 2020, he blocked me on his, his parents’ and my son’s WeChat accounts and that was the last time I had a video call with my children. I could reestablish contact with my husband in 2022, but he has refused to let me speak to my sons.
“After breaking off contact,” Ruth explains, “he has moved to a new address in China with our boys. The address he told me and the court was his parents old address and he doesn’t live there. He has let their passports and Chinese travel documents expire and has put them on his Hukou and has applied for Chinese ID cards for them.”
She has been through 1.5 years of court proceedings and describes the process as exhausting, with little chance of fully winning the proceedings or gaining back physical custody of her children.
The Chinese court system protects fathers more than mothers who have moved away from their children, which is one of the reasons she has decided to sue sole custody in Austria. Another reason is that divorce proceedings have been started by her husband in Austria, and it was easier for her to start custody proceedings in her home country.
“My first judge, a woman, had a very negative opinion of me”, Ruth recalls. “At first, the judge didn’t believe me when I told her that my husband was the one who had cut off all contact between me and my children. She also thought I was the one to blame for the divorce – the one that had left behind her children in China and hadn’t been a good wife. I have been through years of domestic violence, my ex would start raging, threaten to kill me, stalk me and threaten to hit our kids.”
Please support Ruth’s petition to get her children back. Signing is easy and only takes a few seconds.
Jeff Ulrich says
Unfortunately this is very common – for both men and women who marry a Chinese national and have children. Chinese women married to Chinese men similarly have almost no parental rights in a divorce. The legal system in China is heavily slanted toward the Chinese husband when it comes to custody – or the Chinese wife in a marriage with a foreigner.
People who read this post should think long and hard about starting a relationship like this knowing that the outcome could well be what this unfortunate woman has experienced. I know several people in this same situation. None have found resolution.
Thanks for sharing, and I wish her the very best of luck in this impossible situation.
Ruth says
Dear Jeff,
thanks for your comment. I agree.
Best wishes,
Ruth